Change

Hey I haven't posted anything in quite a while but a lot has been on my mind. I used to believe that have faith in yourself and in your dreams were the most important things in life.I cling to them like a little buoy passing me by, just letting it drag me along wherever the sea may. I would follow whatever I felt, and whatever I felt would just be impulse. But then I realize... what am I doing it for, is just to get through life contently, or was there something more? I used to hate every single thing around me, I wanted so much to rip everything to shreds... I mean why not, it seemed like everything around me was out to get me and drag me back to the dark thoughts anyway. I have scars that show that, and no, not some pathetic little cutting my wrist scar. Fangs, blades, claws, bone, glass.. have cut my body and once or twice I've almost died, once i was presumed dead.
I wish that I could have changed at least one thing. I wish I could have made everything better for everyone. Once I became obsessed with it, I was so single minded I saw nothing around me. At one point I became so consumed my fangs raged. I felt caged wanting to tear till the warmth of the flesh dissipated. My claws wanted to rip till there was nothing left to drain. I wanted to destroy till the remains weren't able to be recognized as anything. I became afraid and started biting my nails...
But, things have changed. Thank you.

The Vampire's Reflection

Trying to explain who Vampy is to people is really complicated. I used to think she was this horrible alter-ego that would creep in on me at the late hours of night and influence me to say and do things I would never do. Was Vampy, is Vampy, my id? Does she have no resistance? Impenetrable? Probably not. I feared her, sometimes still do, because she's so headstrong, so brackish. But I think it all makes sense now: Vampy is just a stronger side of me, a part of me repressed because she may just be that detrimental. Repressed, because she reveals my deepest thoughts. I feared her, and still do, because she exposes me in part for who I am, and also for who I am ashamed to be. Her openness and honesty, so curt, so vicious, could be the end of me. But, perhaps, Vampy is the answer I've been looking for. I'm no where near courageous enough to be so brute, so violent in nature. It seems unnatural, and unfair to those around me. That notwithstanding, such an attitude would make it impossible for people to walk all over me, to abuse me, even passively or without intent. Vampy, she's a necessity. She puts people in their place. She stops things before they start, and starts fires I would never have the balls to ignite. I love her, I hate her. I need her, and I could live without her. But how would I live? Would I live, as if it was always Halloween, or would I be just as free?

~Kat

Dreaming

Dreams are special. They make me write, consider. I miss writing a lot. I wish I double majored in English and Psychology. Maybe then things would be right, again. But then I would have twice as many papers to write and I would be so tired I wouldn't be able to dream anymore.

"Connection" and Connection

Why do so many people strive for constant connection? Cell phone calls or texts or email on their phone take priority over face to face conversation. And more and more people are shying away from even talking on the phone. But they need cell phone signal and wireless signal everywhere.
But is it really helping anyone to be connected thru cell phones and the internet. Only emailing and IMing and texting and not having that real connection. But what they really are looking for is real connection. I have found personally more and more striving for that "connection" when what i really need is real, face to face, person to person connection. Though sometimes this cannot be helped if the friend or relative you are talking to has moved away or lives farther than you can travel reasonably. But if you can get there, why not just meet up, and talk, face to face?
Then you can get the person to person contact you need. Maybe even a real hug.
Because this, *hug* just doesn't cut it all the time.

~Zee

Random Thought

Why do they call it sleeping together when no actual sleeping is involved, and sometimes not even a bed?

Random

I wanted to post something. It isn't important. I like oatmeal. I never eat it. Water is good. Mountain Dew Voltage is better. I'm better than you. Get a lemon. Make a tonic. Give me that margarita. Yes I touched it. You know nothing! Popsicles.

~Vampy

A bit of OCD?

I'm sure others have felt like this before.
So yesterday I'm making something for a kids party we had today. And i had a certain way I was doing things, and someone asked me if I wanted some help. I wasn't going to say no. So, I got her the things she needed. And told her how i was doing it and gave her an already made one as an example. And I can't believe how much it bothered me that she wasn't doing it the same way I was, and it was kinda sloppy. They came out alright but I wanted them to kinda last some because they were for kids. I did my best and I didn't say a word that it was bothering me.
Nothing has really bugged me like that in a while.

That's it for now.
~Zee

Random 2nd-POV Scene

Come on! You have to be faster than that! Shush, while you’re at it, goodness… No one saw you, right? Good. Yes, very good… Maybe, if you just… yeah like that. Twist it slowly, more to your left. Yeah, I guess that works. Listen, if you think – Oh hell, did you hear that? Get. Down! Stay in the shadows. Closer.

Almost got caught there. It would’ve been all your fault, too. Idiot. Okay, try again. To the left. More to the left. Tighter, damn it! For the love of – you’re hopeless. Why are you here, anyway? Did you think it would be better this way? If you came here? Things aren’t that easy, weren’t ever that easy. Won’t be that easy.

You have to put more effort into these sorts of things, these, delicate matters. You have to watch out for the guards with more earnest. The guards will never hesitate to take you for all you’re worth and slit your throat and mail your eyes in a ribbon-tied package to your dear-old mum. It’s happened before. You see that passage? The one covered by the bushes? You have to go there. You have to be quiet about it. Your life depends on your silence, your cunning.

Listen, and listen carefully. Take this and run. It shouldn’t open now, if you tightened it well enough. Granted, you’re pretty weak anyway. The sun might start to rise within the hour, but you might have enough darkness to make it deep enough into the woods. Watch out for the mountain lions. And keep your wits about you! Be cunning. Be swift. And most importantly, keep your damned ass silent. You’re as loud as fucking. That’s pretty loud.

You know what, before you go… Could you? Could you promise me… When you get there. Tell them. You know what? Forget it. Just, go. Be careful, and don’t screw this up! On three. One. Two. Th—you know what? Never mind. Three. Go! Why are you still here?! Go!

Ashes to Ashes

Have you ever felt unbelievably uncomfortable in your own skin? Like you wanted to tear everything off until there was nothing left but your blood ridden skeleton marred still by bits of muscle and tendon? And even then, wanting nothing more than to somehow crumble the beige cage that's held you for x-amount of years and powder them too to ash -- if not less -- and spread yourself so far that perhaps through this great self-destroying feat you can manage to find a sense of peace? Yep, true story. Vary palpable, this feeling. Very, frustrating...

~Kat

Tiding you over

There's supposed to be a post here. Perhaps something with meaning or a lesson attached or something of the like. Alas, my brain doesn't work anymore, so tough nuggets. Be happy I've written this much. Oh, and I had a dream that my aunt's house got attacked by giant crabs. Think about that for a bit.

~Kat

So Cold

I'm so tired, I feel like I need to replace my blood with liquid caffeine. I just want to get on with the day but it's like in first gear. Also, my glasses have been brutalized into oblivion. It's affected me pretty badly. When i get a new pair of glasses my little brother is so dead. He just broke them cause he could.

Beautiful Dreamer

I don't dream much. However, recently I have been dreaming an awful bit. I think this sudden flush of dreams might be attributed to my going to sleep as the dawn breaks. Anyway, I thought I would share with you all the oddness I've dreamt about this summer, as far as I can remember anyway.

I dreamt that my uncle offed himself, but everyone in the family wanted to keep it on the hush hush. It was a very peculiar series of events because I've never seen so many people in my family in the same house. What's odder it that I didn't think so many members of my family could fit in the same house. But that's just me.

I dreamt that a friend of mine was on the swimming team back at school. He doesn't swim AFAIC. What's oddest is that his being on the swim team prevented me from being found out for some crime I did. I don't know what I did, but I did it...

I dreamt that my campus had hot dog carts. They were delicious. They had onions on them, the hot dogs. I bought one of course. The odd part: the hot dog carts also sold hot wings.

That's the most recent dream I had. Of course, there's more to that dream. Apparently I was having an affair of some sorts with some guy, and it revolved around the hot dog cart. And I had one, and he had one, and then we took a nap at the picnic table and were holding hands under it. But the sad part was that he had a girl of his own, so she got mad (obviously) when she saw us like that. And then he went to hang out with her and they ate hot wings. And she wanted more, but I wasn't going to let that happen, so I ate them. With ranch dressing.

A lot more happened in the dream that was visibly more important and exciting than hot dog carts with hot wings and tomato onions.

I wish I could remember the rest of the dream though. They're all very nice. That's all for now.

Until the next slumber,

~Kat

The Longest Week

Well, I've spent three days in my father's house and I guess everything is fine. I just want to go out and talk with him and go do stuff, but I just feel awkward. I just feel like all I want to do is hide in what used to be my room, and kinda curl up and train that Ninetails I got for meep. I could just see what other Pokemon I can find. I really missed my brothers and sister, and step mom, I uess my dad too, I thought it would be a lot different, but things never really changed.

I missed my friends, I'm supposed to be home by now, but some stuff came up and I'm still here, I miss my own laptop, it's kinda upsetting. To get fixed then the guy that fixes it is responsible for it breaking even more. I'm tired and sleepy. I wonder if my Pokemon get tired. I just wish I could like sleep for a whole day. It's odd other days I could like run all over the place. I can't wait to like, get my life started, I feel a little better about it. I just feel afraid, can someone tell me if that's normal? Just being afraid to live my life. If I painted my feelings right now, it'd be on a black canvas with a bunch of gray lines.

I just feel like I could change the world, but I never will, not being in this funk. I almost feel like I want to go out and eat a pie just because I love pie? Does It make it okay to go out and just kiss someone cause you love them? Is it okay to hurt someone just because you don't like them? Is it okay to sleep all day cause you don't like to work? Things like this pop into my head all the time, it confuses me.

Well, I guess that's enough for tonight. Who knows, maybe I'll tell a story tomorrow. Like how I just learned stuff that makes me want to punch Prince even more than now.

Night peoples,
~Traci

The Tip of the Iceberg

What happens when everything you once knew reveals itself to be a horrendous surprise of twists, turns, and lies? Or a magnificent garden of hopes, dreams, and fantasy?

I learned to never judge a book by its cover. Everything you know, it could just be the tip of the iceberg. Be wary, or anxious, whichever suits you. Will you come across a pleasant surprise? Or a heart-wrenching nightmare? Oh reality.

~Kat

Still More Firsts

Let's see, I'm the good friend that was mentioned in the last post. I also have a name. And that name is Traci. And if you people who ever eventually find this, I'm in Florida. Though I may be sleep deprived, I'm still awake enough to make a post. I agreed to this thing and I'm gonna see it through. I wasn't fragging things, I was playing WoW. There isn't any fragging in WoW, but there had been a lot of stabbing, slashing, kicking, poison, fire, ice, lightning bolts, snakes, arrows, bullets, and dancing for everyone. Also, I thought the mission of this blog was to have a joint blog.

May you always be awesome,

~The Other One

A first time for everything

Hello world. Kathia here, reporting to you from NC. I have decided to make a joint blog with a good friend of mine. He is too busy fragging to actually post though. He's probably also sleep deprived right now, so let's not think to deeply into things. There is no real focus or mission in this blog, unless you want one. Seeing as no one reads anything I post anyway, I will perish the thought of catering to your needs. Because "you" don't exist!

Suffer hapless readers!!! You get nothing from me!!!

Very much not obliged,
~Kat